Autopsy of a Bad Affair-Mo's worries

I just want to say that today for the first time I saw my blog listed on Recently Updated Blogs and I got really excited. I know...I'm lame...what can I say. It's just something about knowing that you can torture people you don't even know with your mundane dribble about how pathetic your little life is...ahh...smell the pessimism in the air.

I found another notable site which is listed under daily dose named coloredgirls.com and I must say that the excellent book reviews on this site really magnifies the ineptitude of my writing skills. I feel truly inferior when reading this blog of sorts. It would make me question this whole blog thing to begin with except that I am always conscience of the fact that I am doing this for my benefit and my benefit only. The fact that you are thoroughly enjoying this is but a footnote. The fact that you come here day after day just to hear me rant and rave or to cry in public is irrelevant. Therefore I will go on blogging. Content in my fragments, run on sentences, misuse of grammar, so on and so forth.

We the pround! We the inept! We the bloggers!

Hi Ya! Just getting in to work....I left my access card at home in the pocket of the coat I had on yesterday. I had to call upstairs to get buzzed in..I know not very interesting, but that is the best I got this morning.

I'm trying really hard to get some *hugs* for this weekend. I has been a really long time since I rolled and I miss it. I need some relief!! Everyone has been flaking out on me lately. They all say that have the hook up but no one does. I spit on you!

My friend that keeps my daugther for me during the day, flaked out on me last night. She calls at 9:30, on a Thursday night to tell me that she can't watch my daughther TODAY...Friday. That is really sucky....I know that she is helping me out and all, but a little notice please...I guess that was a little notice. It alled worked out thought because another friend of mine's daughther is out of school on Spring Break and agreed to watch her for me today. So all is well.....la de da de da. I'm going to go do something interesting now so I can come back and tell you about it. HA!

Hello.......all........I've been working on my HTML, javascript, style sheets all that cool stuff. I still don't really know how to do anything that i didn't already now how to do, but it's cool figuring out some of this stuff. I'm hoping to start creating some of my own templates for my pages so I can express my creativity a little more...woheeee!!

I had this little sweet potato pie for dessert with lunch today and I have to say that it was fabulous. It is from this fast food chicken joint named Bojangles. I mean it was heaven! I guess I'll NEVER fit into the BCBG bikini, with all the Ben and Jerry's and pies and such...oh well....maybe someone will love my rolls...and not the cinnamon ones I'm eating...lol.

Question of the Day: What Calvin are you?

You are Spaceman Spiff! Zounds! You are the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, the engaging explorer ensconsed in an unending universe of exotic and evil extraterrestrials! You're brave, but you should give that dictionary a rest. Take the What Calvin are You? Quiz by contessina_2000@yahoo.com!

Hello...not much going on today. I'm the only one in the office. Everyone else left to go to an off-site meeting. Not really doing much today. I did add a guestbook to PD's webpage. I don't even know why I still help him when he's such an a-hole. I guess it's better not to let evil people change who you are....but as I have stated before..this bigger person burden really sucks sometimes. Anyway...I'll check in later when something interesting happens....don't hold your breath.

Hey All.....our internet connection has been down all day! It just came back up a few minutes ago.

I just found out that my bestest friend Paul is coming into town April 26-29, and we are going to P-A-R-T-Y!!! Yay!! He said that there is a circuit party called Cherry 7 and we are going to shake our booties. He is coming with his boyfriend Quin, who is such a cutie!! It's been a while since we have seen each other and I can't wait to see him! My birthday is on the 11th so it will be like a belated present for me. My day just got a whole lot better!

I checked my archives today and saw that I received a comment. I'm so darned excited. Possibly because I don't have many friends. In any case I was so excited that I added a new feature to my page. Daily Dose of Blog. It will feature interesting blogs that I either find, or are brought to my attention by a comment or email. Comments are great because they are vehicles of balance. Meaning they let you know that the rest of the world is just as messed up as you. And that makes us all smile...or cry depending on your half full glass assessment.

Okay...gotta run...gotta go make some arrangements...and surf around on the net now that it's back up, I'm so lost without it. It sorta feels like when I was a kid and the electricity went down. Anyway...check you later.

Hi All!! It's a great morning! I would just like to say congratulations to Halle Berry and Denzel Washington!!! It really was a great night for African American actors and actresses. I stayed up late to watch the entire show and it was well worth it!
Other than that nothing much over here. I'm really tired and sleepy from staying up late, but other than that everything is cool beans. Check in later...

My dad always says, "You always work harder when you're working for yourself". The past few days for me have been the epitome of that statement. Drum roll please........I would like to annouce the Grand Opening of my new website Eat@Mo's Personal Chef Service!! I have been working very hard on the site, and the brochures, and the letterhead, and the...well you get the point. Non-stop I tell you! Anyway, it has come together nicely, but you can be the judge of that (hint, hint....check out my site PLEASE). Okay enough begging...


WH has stated that he is moving on. So I say......please don't go! No really I'm totally okay with him leaving. It really isn't bothering me at all. Well maybe a little, but not whole pint of Chunky Monkey bother...maybe snicker bar bother, or a couple of M&M's bother. He is supposed to come into some money too. Perhaps he will take it and move to LA. That would be great. Or maybe he will go out and eat a really big dinner and get a horrible case of the flying shi....I really shouldn't go there, but I will. The shits! Ahh...hey..it's hard always being the bigger person, especially when you're so little like me ;o)


I just wish I had some clue of what was going on in his head, but I don't, and I don't have the energy in me to ever try and figure him out. I will leave that for the next unfortunate girl that gives him her heart. And you know what else..I need to stop calling him my Worst Half(WH)..he isn't half of me. From now on said individual is known as the Prince of Darkness...or PD for short. That is until such time that someone else takes the record and claims said title.


Okay folks enough of me for now....keep laughing...it keeps you from crying.

Okay...I spent all day yesterday helping to set up up some PCs here at work. Much better than my usual busy work. Except for the pay everything here is actually okay. If I could get some real money somehow, it wouldn't be so bad. I really do want to focus on my own business though. I know that is the only way I will have some control over my life.

On the relationship front...things are just as horrible as ever. WH has been back on Blackplanet which is basically an online meat market. We have discussed this a thousand times, and now I am done talking about it. I'm pretty much completely done at this point. Oh well....as I have said before...life goes on.

I am actually looking forward to time alone with my daughter, just the two of us, coming home everyday, and doing whatever we want. It will be nice. Maybe not forever but for awhile it will be nice to just focus on our needs and wants. Okay enough for now....talk to you guys later.

Hello....yes I am aware that it has been awhile since my last post. However, besides the weekend (I don't post on weekends, unless something devestating happens or I'm bored) it has only been a couple of days. Still I am sorry for the wait, I know my life is just so damned interesting that you cannot wait for the next installment. Now that I have that out of the way....

This weekend I was really sick. I came down with the dreaded stomach virus that has been going around. I won't go into gross details, but you get the picture. I also missed work on Monday because of said virus. I was back in on yesterday, but I spent the entire day creating the brochure for my personal chef business. I am now working on the website, and as soon as it is done I will proudly post the web address here! Well that is the short story. I will fill in the gaps a little later. Cya!

Okay, okay....problem fixed. I think it was something I did. Anyway, I feel better now that my full length thought is out on display. Besides, what good is pouring your little heart out if people can see or read it? I was talking to my good friend, Debbie (Hi! Debbie), anyway, she is feeling down about the same things as me. We are with no good, lying, motherfu....well you get the point. So she is asking why God, is putting her through all of this. Now I don't profess to be a religious person or anything, but I am spiritual, and I do study scriptures when I can. I recently came across a webpage that really goes in deep about how you shouldn't question and test god or you will be in the wilderness forever. Like I told Debbie, I don't have a compass or a canteen so the wilderness is not the place for me. I am trying to have a more positive attitude about this whole thing, I should say everything. The "relationship", if you can call it that, my financial situation, everything. Positive. Sunny skies. Ummm....breathe deeply. lol....peace.

I'm not sure what is going on with Blogger. Only part of my last post is showing up, and I can't edit it. This sucks...being that I'm finally generating some traffic, and it now appears that the damn thing has gone down. That pretty much sums up how my life has been over the last few months. I feel like the Evan's clan trying to get out of the ghetto. When you finally get a good job, James dies on you. Florida said it best. Damn! Damn! Damn!

Hello All...today is better than yesterday. I asked my sister to look into what areas her company has vendors. Her VP thinks that he can call in a favor and get me a job with one of them, but currently they have no vendors in this area. I am hoping to get back to Texas someway. Hopefully a large market where I can concentrate on my Personal Chef business. I have even been looking at some apartments...I know, I know, I am getting way ahead of myself here, but I was just curious as to what is currently available. My current property company is named Lincoln Properties and they really do have some great apartment communities. I looked in the Houston area as well as the Dallas area. My sister lives in Dallas and my parents live about an hour and a half away from Houston. I'm actually going to go look at the site some more now. I will check back in later. Peace.

Very unstable mood today. Yesterday turned out truly horrible, and I mean that in every sense of the word, horrible. WH has decided that he never wants to get married, least of all to me. I know it may come as a surprise that this even bothers me, given the name of this blog and all. However, it still really hurts to hear that someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you. I'm okay to continue to sleep with, but never to marry. Woohoo! My chest feels like it will collapse on itself. The pain quite duller that it would have been only weeks ago, when I still wasn't ready to accept the reality of what we have become. I am no better prepared for this; just not as crushed as I would have been some time ago. Life goes on. You meet new people. You love again. Eventually.

Good Morning....not feeling quite as chipper(sp?) as the last post, but I'm doing okay. I guess it is Monday so we shouldn't expect too much anyway. I really don't have much to say right now, so I will hit back later. Maybe something interesting will happen.

Hey!! I feel good....dunna-nuna-nuna-na. At least much better than I felt this morning. Remember the rent situation? Well, my wonderful family has bailed me out....AGAIN. And, I am eternally grateful. I have the most wonder filled (better than the much overused wonderful take note above) family. I really do. My sister is sending me 625 dollars (about half) for the rent. Wiring it to my account no less. It just so happens that my account is 206 dollars overdrawn, and my awesome mother is wiring 200 dollars to my account to make up the difference. Did I mention that I have a great family?

Speaking of the rent, I heard on the radio this morning that Alan Greenspan has declared that the recession is over. Well Mr. Greenspan certainly didn't talk to the thousands...no make that hundreds of thousands, of technology workers who are currently unemployed, and that includes me...telecom actually, anyone hiring? Now I do realize that even once a recession is over, the unemployment rate will continue to increase for a time, and then slowly stagnate and then begin to recover. However, isn't it just a bit wrong to tell people (who for some that have been out of work for over a year), that things are "getting" better when you look at computerjobs.com and the total number of all jobs listed (around 8,000 for today) used to be the amount in the State of Texas alone (formerly 7,000-8,000 daily). It really does get me depressed all over again. Well not today, nothing is going to bring me do...no, no, no I won't say that because then something will happen. I'll just say...toodles. :-*

I'm having a really terrible time today. I'm not sure how bad my situation actually is, or am I just overreacting. Do other people actually have it worse, or does that even matter?

I am increasingly anxious and I think I need something to help. I have knots in my stomach and I don't want my hair to start falling out again. I am already having trouble sleeping and all because I have not had the conversation that I need to have with my "other". I don't want to say significant although considering the effect he is having on my sanity that moniker does seem appropriate. He certainly isn't MY better half..thats for damn sure. I guess that would make him my worst half. Yeah that sounds good from now on he is the worst half...or WH for short. Well WH is really on my mental priority list right now, and not because I want him there....I would much rather think of other more enlightening things but I can't. I try, but I can't. Okay thats enough for now..thats as much as I can stand. I will check in later.

Hello world...I hadn't checked in yet because I was boning up on my HTML, actually really learning it. I always get code from somewhere else and then put in my info..which is actually what most people do, I know. However that greatly limits your troubleshooting abilities, and I like to know what the hell could be wrong with my page. Also you can learn how to do some really neat things. You can also get yourself in trouble, but we like to concentrate on the "neat" part.

I didn't hit back on yesterday evening because I got some bad news and I wasn't yet ready to deal with or fully digest it. The contract I was waiting on so I could make some real money went to someone else, and now I don't know how long I will have to survive off off what I'm currently making. Anywho....I better get back to this HTML..and I also have to send my sister an email begging for help with the rent. Toodles. :-*

This whole weight loss, fat burning, muscle building obsession I have is really driving me crazy. So much information to absorb and calculate. I really feel overwhelmed at times. I also do not feel as though there are enough hours in the day to get in my workouts, and all my meals..not to even mention the preparing for meals and workouts which also take up enormous amounts of time and thought. I guess it really is all worth it, because no food or amount of time lounging in front of the tube could ever feel as good as me fitting into that pink BCBG bikini I want to wear this summer. Or wearing those really low rise jeans in Georgetown this spring while shopping for that bikini....Just the thought makes me smile. By the way if anyone else out there has some weight issues I would love to hear about it, makes me feel like I'm not alone in my struggle :-*

Just now checking in for the day. I had to drop my mom off at the airport this morning. Her stay was nice. She got to spend my daughter's birthday with us.

A couple of days ago while I was on my way to work a big 18-wheeler crashed right in front of my car on the beltway. I was almost a goner. I told my mom and my daughter’s father when I got home from work. Last night he says that he got really scared when I told him about he crash and that he doesn't want to lose me. I guess someone else's misfortune will buy me a couple of days of kindness from him. I know...it's really sad. Actually pathetic.

I told my mom about the rent situation...and she said she would try to help out. I know that somehow someway everything will be fine. Sooner or later. Hopefully I am at the end of this long spell of bad luck or karma. I don't think I have done anything all that bad to deserve all the terrible things that have plagued me within the last few months. I know that I have done some dastardly deeds in the past, but I thought I had it all cleared up by now...I guess maybe I'm working on the last of the three-fold back at cha now. at least I hope so.

okay...I was asked to reformat some resumes, so I didn't get a chance to check in until now. Which is actually a good thing other wise I would have been looking for something to either say or do. I hope I did them the way they want...I wasn't exactly given alot of instruction, but I did it the best way I could, and hopefully that is good enough. I have to stop and buy garlic bread for the spaghetti tonight. can't forget....regular bread would be nice too....I'm having a chocolate jones right now..not good...I will never get down to 16 percent body fat that way....okay....most likely my last hit of the day....will return in the morning. watch My Wife and Kids...I think it comes on tonight...very funny show. Peace, love and hairgrease.....

The heat in our apartment went out last night. It was only 15 degrees last night. No wonder I was dreaming of polar bears drinking coke. It is fixed now. I called this morning to have them come out. I am thoroughly surprised that I have not been blamed for the heat going out...maybe because it wasn't my fault being that I am not the one who turned the unit to ON, instead of AUTO, and this fact is widely known.
BTW
I started a new job on the 19th of February. I was laid-off in December from my telecom job. Now I am answering phones...and updating this blog..I guess it could be worse. I also have absolutely no idea how I'm going to pay our rent this month. I will be happy when I have some uplifting things to write about, but all this release does somehow make everything seem okay. AHHHHhhh....how cathartic.

Perhaps some of the new innovation awe is now waning. A little background...this once strongheaded, independant woman has over the recent months been reduced to a pathetic, self-doubting idiot. All because of someone who claimed love while never knowing of it. It's funny how love makes you throw all the things that you know better when looking at other people's situations out of the window. You ignore the warning signs....give the benefit of the doubt no matter how unlikely it is that the person you love actually has a shred of emotion, other than disdain (I guess thats an "emotion") for you. How else could you ever explain being cursed out for forgetting to tell that someone asked what size clothes the baby is wearing. Excuse me for being human. I do understand that I am always to be perfect. No mistakes allowed. It will never happen again.

New to this world of bloggin'...I have so much to say yet I am engrossed in the technical aspects of blog. Hoping to conquer this phase of the excitement so I can get on with my business of spilling my ever-painful guts.

This is the inaugural post of the Autopsy of a Bad Affair Blog.

Hello All,

I am attempting to dissect what exactly went wrong. However as I begin this quest, I have the sinking feeling in my gut that we never really know how our journey into love filled bliss took the fork in the road to misery and resentment. Just to clarify, I would like to add that this relationship has not yet ended, however it is in more of a terminally ill state, and I as of yet have not mustered the courage to pull the plug. Still hoping, waiting on that promised miracle cure to arrive on my doorstep. Ironically the one blissful and truly beautiful fruit of this union, our daughter, turns one year old today, the day I have chosen to begin documenting my feelings as we approach the end. Stay tuned as I bring you up to date on why things are so darned terrible in the first place.