Autopsy of a Bad Affair-Mo's worries

HELLO!!!

I'm in a pretty good mood today, and that bothers me. I know WHY I'm in such a good mood and it isn't a good reason. Or at least not one I'm proud of anyway. PD is being EXTREMELY nice to me. He saying that he loves me, and all these other nice things. I don't like my happiness being dependant on how my relationships are going...romantic ones that is. But I guess that is unavoidable as long as you are human. Anyway...things are great right now. That irritates me as well cause it can only last but for so long before the doom and gloom rear their ugly heads again respectively. Well I guess I should just enjoy it while I have it, cause when the other shoes drops...it always lands on my head. BYE!

Hi All,

I get to go shopping today. I'm actually not looking forward to it, because I have found that I really don't like shopping. At least not when I have to think about how much money I'm spending. I have to get an outfit for the party on tomorrow night at 2k9. I can't wait to see my friends that I haven't seen in awhile, but I'm disappointed that we didn't get the hugs we wanted for this weekend. Oh well such as life. I guess things will get better soon. At least I hope so, I really need the hugs to help release some of this negative energy I have been carrying around. Got to go....see ya laters. Peace.

Hey...it's been a few days. I have been relegated to the other office for the past few days. Helping them with a myriad of things that I rather not be doing. PD informed that I should be who I am. Do what ever I want. For some reason that just sounds like the lamest brush off in the world to me. I'm living in Whateverville at the moment so WHATEVER. I AM doing my thing.

Well..hello....I spent all day yesterday planning to get on and blog for the day, but as you can see it never happened. So I figured I better get on right now and drop the dirt, while I was thinking about it.. Well I guess actually not dirt, but I find that I do have so much more to share when I have skipped a day or so, being that my life is so dreadfully average.

Well, PD offered to, scratch that, he insisted that I let him pay for me a new "sexy" outfit, and that I let him pay for me to get my nails done. Since in his words, "it's been so long". I think this is his way of being nice. I'm not sure since I haven't experienced this sort of kindness from him in ages. He wants to do all of this for me so I look "sexy" when I go out with my gay guy friends on next weekend. Isn't that a little ironic to you? He wants me to look sexy to go out with the last people who will pay any attention to me in that way. Well whatever...I guess he is trying. Later in the evening I found some girls number in his pocket...so I guess all isn't well. Not that I particulary care at this point, but it seems that...WAIT A MINUTE! It just downed on me that he must have been guilty about something. That is the only way he could have possibly decided to do something nice for me. Yeah thats it. Well that makes me feel better. I know now that it wasn't out of the kindness of his heart...that would be too weird.

Top of the morning to ya! Well I guess it's not the top of the morn'...more like the bottom, but you get the picture. I got some hugs...I got some hugs..(I'm doing the cabbage patch as I say this.) And it's almost party time!! Paul and Quin will be here on the 26th..YAY!! We are gonna P-A-R-T-Y!!! I'm so excited..did I mention that I was so excited? YAY! anyway...it's a very cool thing.

Also PD is being suspiciously nice to me lately. Like he wants something. I'm not sure what. I know that we will have a blast once we get some hugs but other than that I don't know what has him all in a tizzy with the nice thing. It really makes me nervous. I wonder if he is plotting my demise or something. Put a little rat poison in my Cocoa Crispies. Drop some sulfuric acid in my contact lens case. I don't know whatever it is...it must be rather important to him for him to put on a "kind" face. He's just not that kinda Satan. Anyway...toodles...talk to you later....

Hello,

I almost got online this weekend to post, but I realized that it was really late and PD would be home soon so I chose not to. For the last month or so, every Friday and Saturday have been hell on earth for me. It's like on Friday evenings he hopes a big semi will roll over me on my way home from work, and when I get home, unharmed, he is really disappointed. Then on Saturday mornings, he hopes I won't wake up, ever again, but when I do..there is the disappointment again. So he spends all day screaming, cursing, and giving me the evil eye. Somehow on Saturday night or Sunday morning....everything is fine. Wonderful even. I feel like I live in a looney bin. Or should I say like I should be moving into one soon. I really do hope that I hit the Big Game. I know I have a better chance of PD showing up on a white horse saying that from now on everything will be okay, but as I have said before it's the dream that keeps me alive. Daydreaming is a wonderful coping mechanism. I'm gonna do a little right now....bye bye.

Happy Birthday to Me!
I'm 27 today. No one has mentioned it as of yet. But it's cool, I don't have very many friends anyway. Thats why I blog. I tell all of you out there in the world my problems because I don't have any one else to tell them to. It really isn't as sad as it sounds. Just think about it. That means I don't have to listen to anyone else's problems either...lol.

Yesterday was rather eventful for me even though everything I had to do was rather mundane. But considering that I don't get out much it's cool. I had to hustle a little to get my rent money, and I did that by noon. Then I had to hustle to get some money for gas and food, which I did. I even bought a Big Game ticket being that the jackpot is now 200 million. Maybe I could win it all. :o)

I have pretty much been existing from the daydreams of winning the lotto, and from my imaginary conversations with big stars that think I have very profound thoughts on life. Hey...whatever floats your boat or finds your lost remote.

Peace

Hello All,

Well my life is pretty much the same today. I did however have a phone interview with a contractor for a temp to perm job yesterday. The job is in Timonium, MD, which is about 15 minutes outside of Baltimore, so it's a drive, but considering I drive and hour and a half to work everyday now, for half the pay, I don't mind at all. The contractor at first said that I was "over-qualified", whatever the hell that means and then he said because of that and my past salary history(being so much more than this job's salary), he would have to "think" about whether or not he would want to present my resume to the employer. This after speaking with him for about 30 minutes on the phone. He told me to think about it, and send him an email in the morning. I, of course, did not have anything to think about. I want this job! I need it and it's right on time. So this is what I sent him:

Robert,

It was a pleasure speaking with you. I know that you are not certain whether or not you are interested in presenting my resume to the employer, and my gut feelings tell me that you probably won't, no matter what intriguing thoughts follow in this message. However, I currently have much more time than money, so let me indulge myself. I would be extremely grateful to any employer willing to give someone as "qualified" as myself an opportunity to work given the present situation of the market. Considering how extremely difficult it is to find gainful employment, I could never walk out on a company that would be willing to give me at least a chance. I know coming from Dallas an hour seems like a long drive to you, but here where we have two different states, and the District, an hour drive is commonplace. With traffic, I drove an hour and fifteen minutes to work everyday from my home in Germantown, Maryland to my job with Cable and Wireless, in Vienna, Virginia. I won't turn this email into a dissertation or anything, but I did want to let you know that I am still very interested, and this former corrections officer doesn't dissuade very easily. Again, thank you for your time and consideration.

This morning he responded:

Monica

Thank you for your email. I want to assure you that I WANT to present you for this job and I will in fact share your resume with the client, probably tomorrow, and speak with the hiring manager about your background and qualification. The only issue is one of you salary history and "her" acceptance. I have to be able to convey your position as to taking a severe decreased pay, from a long-term standpoint.

We will convey and represent your position to the customer and let you know their position.

Thank you.

By the way his name is Roger and not Robert. Oops.

Hi All,

I know I haven't been able to check in....sorry. I have been working ont his project for my company that is really important to me...I might get a raise out of it if I do it right. So I'm trying. But that is why I haven't been able to update everyone on my oh so fabulous existence. It also may be that nothing much is going on with me currently. I am still trying to get a beter job...better paying that is..I do love it here, but I'm not making very much money. My little Stinky Binky needs diapers.

I promise to check in later and hopefully I have some wonderful stuff to tell you about. We can all dream right?

Hey, hey, hey.....in from another day of endless copying and scanning. Forgot my book again today. I really need to stop doing those drugs...but it's okay, cause I'm gonna play Word Whomp for as long as I can today!! gotta go...

Yesterday Mr. Mike, the owner and president of the company, called me to tell me that he needed me to come down to the headquarters office in the morning...this morning...to help his assistant, Fran, with a project. I had to copy and scan about a billion files, and that was only half of the pile. I have to go back in the morning to complete the rest. They wanted me to also sort all of the scanned files which were sent directly to my inbox, but I didn't have a certain software package on my system in order to work the files. So that has been my morning.

Oh yeah...GO TERPS!! Maryland won, and I'm happy about that. Also..PD won some money off the game so that should be nice. We certainly need all the funds we can get.

My mom send my daughter a bunny that sings, dances, and wiggles his ears. She loves it. She bounces up and down with the music and claps her hands. It's so cute. I wish we had a camcorder to get it all on tape. Ahh well....one day, one day

Damn...I forgot my book. Just remembered that I meant to bring it with me to work. I guess it's okay. Since my job is so boring that would just mean that I would probably read it all in one day, and then be sad that I didn't have anything to read. The book I'm referring to is, What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day. I read a review of it on coloredgirls.com and I picked it up this weekend. So far it is really interesting, and I was sleepy when I first started reading. I'll definitely bring it in tomorrow.



My daughter was away at her aunt's house, her father's sister, this weekend. I dropped her off on Friday night, and picked her up last night. That means I had the whole weekend to myself. My friend Debbie and I had breakfast together on Saturday morning, and then I went by the mall and picked up my book. Later that night we went to see Panic Room. It was awesome. Forrest Whitaker is great. So is Jodie Foster, and the young girl who played her daughter was really good too. I loved this movie. After the movie we went to my house for a little while, and I showed her some pictures of my daughter who she hasn't seen yet.



PD didn't come home at all on Saturday night. I put the hotel lock on the door around 5 in the morning when the sun started coming up. At that point I pretty much figured that if he came home at all, it would be much later. I heard him banging at the door around 7:30, so I got up to let him in. I didn't say anything. I just opened the door and got back in the bed. Then I realized that I had to pee, so I got up and went to the bathroom. On my way back over to the bedroom, he preceeds to tell me about how drunk he was and how there were so many cops out and he couldn't drive home so he spent the night on some friend's basement floor. Whatever...I don't feel like I have the right to know at this point. We aren't even together right? Anyway, I say, "I really don't care where you spend the night....just please try to remember to call me so I can put the hotel lock on the door earlier, and I don't expect you." He says, "fine". I now realize that I am starving so I ask if he is hungry. He says yes, and we go to breakfast at the IHOP. He asks me if I would like to go to the movies later. I say, "you want to go to the movies with me?". He says, "yes". So after breakfast we go home and go back to sleep for a few hours and then get up to go see John Q. I think I cried during this entire movie. So did PD...I didn't even think there was a heart in that over inflated chest of his. During the movie he leans over and tells me that he is sorry. He isn't specfic...I guess he is just sorry in general because he is such an enormous ass. He says that we will try to do better. I say well we certainly need to do something. He says...I said I'm sorry. lol....I say...I heard you. It all makes me wonder what he wants from me this time.