Lost…
I typed up an entire post, and when I went back to publish…it was gone. That was yesterday. I really didn’t have any energy or prose left in me to revisit the meanderings that I had previously laid out. So I am back here today, attempting to recapture some of what was lost on yesterday.
As I type I listen to a recorded episode of the
Tavis Smiley show, previously aired on Friday, May 6, 2005. This particular episode is the second installment of a two-part piece on the movie
Crash, and features conversations with actors from the movie including, Ludacris, Matt Dillon, and my personal favorite and primary reason for listening to this session, Terrence Howard. I’m going to see
Hustle and Flow tonight, and I am very excited, as this award winning movie has been covered so extensively in the media. I’ve been reading about the production for what seems like years, so for the wait to finally be over is almost too much to grasp. I read an article about Terrence Howard a few months ago, and even though he is exactly the type of person that I know I should avoid, I left the article loving him even more. He states in the article that he really loves women, however he leaves them with scars. Many, many men are guilty of the very same thing, however few will have the decency to admit it.
Moving right along…my post from yesterday was more about all my issues right now. Bills, bills, and…bills…they are never ending and I hate it. I hate that I have more bills than money. It feels like I’m drowning, and every time I reach for a hand to pull me out, instead of helping, they throw more bills at me. I’m at a point where I just have to have some faith that it will all work out in the end because right now, I can’t see the end of the tunnel, and when I can see the light, I fear that it is an oncoming train filled with bills.
EP and I were spending a lot of time together. Yes, I said were. He went out of town for about a week or so, and called practically everyday and said he really wanted to see me upon his return. He sent a text message last Sunday asking if I would pick him up at the airport and stay the night with him. Of course I did, and he wanted me to stay the next night…which I did, and the night after that. Three nights in a row we were together. It was lovely, but I haven’t seen him since Wednesday morning. Mind you it is only Friday so that isn’t a really long time, but we haven’t talked much in the last two days either. I’m trying to make sure I give him his space, which isn’t hard considering that PD won’t give me an inch to breathe. He has come back saying that he wants to get married, and that he was a fool {which I already knew}, and that he wants to do everything he should have been doing all along, but didn’t. Yes…PD…I can’t believe it, or should I say I don’t believe it. However, I am granting him the opportunity to spend sometime with me in EP’s absence. It also keeps my mind clear of any unnecessary EP thoughts. Keeps me “occupied” so that I don’t send pathetic text messages in the middle of the night.
I guess he is good for something.
